The Infamous "About Me" Post

Well here it is. Me laying my life down on paper (virtual paper that is). So we shall start from the beginning. I was born on a beautiful October day as the first child of my wonderful parents. I was raised as a Christian from age 2 onwards. I attended church EVERY Sunday, went to AWANA (Wednesday night church where bible verses are pounded into your head and you are rewarded for repeating them), went on missions trips, active in the youth programs, etc. Fast forward to Sophomore Year of High School. I was home schooled until High School and then thrown into the lions den (aka Decatur IL Public High School). I was surrounded by NON-Christians (gasp) all day every day. For the first year I stuck hard to my values, then HE came along. My night in shining armour (aka a reffing uniform). I went head over heels faster than an acrobat rolling down a hill. No one could cure me of this thing they called lust. He quickly got me to abandon all "purity" rules. After to losing all my sacred parts to him I found out I wasn't the only honey to this bee. Several others were sharing their bodies with my man. On top of that he wasn't so sweet any more. Physical and emotional abuse became the norm. My frontal lobe had taken over and even though I was treated like crap I couldn't escape the trap. 3 years of this went by. I spent his birthday with him in 2008 behind my parents back. He treated me like such crap that day I finally got a back bone and decided that was it. I vowed to be done. 1 Month went by and I stuck to my guns, and then my period failed to come. After 4 at-home tests and another test at Planned Parenthood I dropped my head and came out to my family that I was pregnant at 18 years old. My plan to rid him from my life forever had failed. I was now stuck with him for life. Luckily, I had managed to graduate High School early so I was done with that. I had already completed a couple college courses before I was expecting. Over the next 9 months we tried and tried and tried to work it out, but he was not going to change and I cared more about my daughter than him. On December 8th I gave birth to a lovely baby girl. The idea of a Family made me giddy so I tried one more time. Then I had to call the cops on him when he got angry, tried to knock down my door and kicked my car. That was the last of me and him. From now on he was just Bailey's dad. It's been a long 5 years battling for support, arguing over visitation, etc. When Bailey was 3 months old I met the love of my life. He had a son and was a nursing student too. We spent the next 2 years together, got engaged, and were planning a wedding. We were, however, both stressed to the max. We both were in school full-time, working full-time, and raising kids. The stress over-took us and we called it off a year after our engagement. (Side note, we were still very good friends, I never stopped loving him. In October 2013 he passed away from Cystic Fibrosis. I'm a big advocate of education on that so you will see posts every now and then). I had hit an all-time low. I had to move into a college house with my 2 year old and I was broke and gaining weight. We luckily moved out of that situation quickly, but I was then even more broke and stressed. I was juggling working full time and going to school full time while trying to raise my daughter to the best of my ability. All of this could not have been accomplished without the help of my mom and grandparents. I trekked through school. I was depressed. I tried fixing my loneliness with man-whores(excuse me I didn't know what else to call them). Aka I slept around. I got hurt multiple times. I didn't want that, so I gained weight unconsciously hoping they wouldn't want me anymore. I graduated from Nursing School with great grades and got an amazing job. I finally could breathe. I was making enough to support us with out going more in debt AND I got to be home more! End of struggle right? WRONG. Single mom, over-weight, and no hope of change. I headed back to what I used to smile about, Church. Maybe this could help me. At first I assumed I was being judged for being a single, young mom, BUT then to my amazement, I felt LOVED. I felt a heart towards Teenage girls. I wanted to stop them from being me. So I started volunteering in Youth, where I eventually found my best friends. I was happy. I still had struggles, but I had hope. I want to go to ministry school, but as a single mom that's near impossible so that will go on the back burner for now. I'm still overweight but fixing that. I still am somewhat broke, I just got off short-term disability for an accident and will have to go back on in a month. I'm still VERY single and long for a long-term companion desperately. I still struggle daily with my purity (which I've asked God to restore in me). I fall off the "Christian" road often but now I get on quicker and easier. I'm no where near perfect, very few can relate to me, my friends are all in different stages of life, and I'm learning to be OK. So join me in my journey.